"It's clear that it couldn't be
Any other way, you see
My life was written to be like this."
Chenoa, Volverte a ver
TWO. CONTROL FREAK, BUT THAT'S OKAY.
"People who do terrible things are just terrible people."
She kills the witches because she has no choice. She has to save Bonnie, so she pierces the dagger into the witch's chest, and kills all of them. Even though Bonnie is the most dangerous threat at the moment, she is her friend.
And so, the words she speaks to someone else (someone she has never met before, but whose face feels awfully familiar) just moments before come back to haunt her.
No matter how much she tries, at the end of the day she is just like the rest of them, doing what she needs to do to keep her loved ones safe, even if it means treating other people's lives like they have no value.
Then the dream changes, and once more, Stefan is there.
They are lying side by side in the darkness, and she is staring at him.
"You knew? That's why you let me go, because you knew the whole time, didn't you?"
"Knew what?"
"That I couldn't do it."
He turns to look at her, too.
"Not that you couldn't do it, but you wouldn't do it."
"How?"
"Because that's what makes you you."
He does not hesitate when he answers, and suddenly, everything she's done and seen that day doesn't feel so worthless anymore, because she has not failed him.
***
The dream still feels too real, but it's different from the last time because she cannot see any of those things happening like, ever.
Caroline knows she should not be dreaming with her friend's boyfriend in that way. In the way that left a smile on her face as she recalled the words that her imagination had made him say. Although, considering how he'd helped the other night, she knew Stefan could definitely be kind to her like very few people had been in her life.
He'd even convinced Bonnie to help her and create a ring that would allow her to be under the sun again. It hurts to see that Bonnie won't trust her at all, when she has known her for much longer than Stefan. And as far as Caroline knew (according to what Elena told her) she only turned into a vampire because Bonnie had told Damon to give her his blood.
"She's all yours" Bonnie's last words are directed to Stefan, too, before she leaves.
Caroline stretches her arm, enjoying the fact that the sunlight isn't burning her skin anymore.
"Now what?" She asks Stefan.
"Now we're going to hunt."
Killing and feeding from little cute bunnies is quite disgusting, and Caroline doesn't shy away from speaking her mind about it, in this blunt manner of hers that usually annoys Bonnie and Elena, but Stefan just laughs and teases her for being a control freak. She doesn't feel down for this, however, because his light tone makes it clear he doesn't really find trouble with her being the way she is.
"I'm sure Damon doesn't feed on bunnies, though." She whispers, once she is done and wipes out the corners of her mouth.
"He gets blood bags from the hospital. He isn't…"
'He isn't being the same jerk that compels girls to use them as toys.'
He cannot bring himself to say it, but Caroline looks at the increasing frown in his face and knows that he feels guilty for his brother's actions, ashamed of what he did to her.
Caroline hates Damon, but Stefan clearly loves his brother in spite of his abhorrent behavior. She decides she will at least tolerate Damon for now, if that can help lift the burden from his shoulders.
"If you can do that, get blood from the hospitals, what aren't we doing that?"
'What aren't you doing that?'
"You are still a new vampire, it's better if you learn to control your bloodlust before. Sometimes… sometimes it can be hard."
It was still hard for him, then.
"I have a feeling, however, that it won't be that much of a problem for you." He smiled. "Being a control freak on crack might have its advantages."
People grow on themselves once they became vampires. Caroline has always seen herself as a work in progress, never quite as good as Elena, or even Bonnie. People find her difficult to deal with at times. More than once she'd thought she is a terrible person.
Perhaps that is why Damon tried to kill her, why Elena looked so worried last night (though she tried to be supportive) and why Bonnie did not like her anymore. If she was terrible as a human, she'd be more terrible as a vampire.
Hearing Stefan's words, she suddenly feels a wave of relief.
Maybe that isn't the case. Maybe she could be good at this. She will be good at this.
***
Perhaps it's because Matt calls her that night, long after Stefan has left her at home (following more hunting and basic fighting tips). He asks her to meet him at the swimming hole where Tyler is throwing a party, and says they should talk about the whole break thing. Caroline wonders if it's the rejection suddenly making him more eager to work things out. For a moment, she really considers going, but she reminds herself that it really is a pointless situation in the long term of her now immortal life. So she tells him she is still feeling sick and stays home.
In her dreams, however, she does go to meet Matt. They are kissing in the woods, and everything is okay, she's got this bloodlust under control, or so she thinks, until the moment he hurts himself and starts bleeding.
"Caroline! Your face!"
He's obviously scared, and he has every reason to be, because she bites him. She could have killed Matt then and there, but Stefan arrives in time to stop her.
"No, no, no, stop. Listen to me. We need to get out of these woods now. We need to leave."
There are werewolves too, apparently. Caroline doesn't know what to make of this, of what she's just done, so she only listens to Stefan's voice and follows his instructions. She runs.
"I can't believe I hurt him."
"I know."
"He is the one person on this entire planet that I never wanted to hurt."
"It's not going to get any easier. You're just gonna have to work that much harder."
One moment she is searching for reassurance in Stefan's eyes, and the next everything fades and changes.
Caroline is no longer in the woods, and she is no longer with Matt or Stefan. She is facing a very angry Tyler Lockwood.
He has every right to be (or at least it feels that way).
"I said LEAVE!"
His eyes turn yellow, and she jolts back when he growls showing his fangs. He's going to kill her.
Then Stefan arrives and pushes Tyler up against the wall.
"What's the matter with you?"
"You don't know? She screwed Klaus."
Somehow, Tyler's hatred is already bad, but the disappointment in Stefan's eyes… that's something she cannot bear to see. So she leaves.
***
Caroline wakes up with a heavy weight on her chest.
A dream is just a dream, right? Tyler Lockwood is clearly not a vampire, Elena or Stefan would have surely shared that bit of information now, wouldn't they?
And what troubles her isn't that, or the fact that she still worries about hurting Matt, or that Stefan is again the constant in her dreams. What troubles her is how much she hated to see that disappointment in his face. It did not matter what she did wrong (and who was this imaginary Klaus guy anyway?), it had to be really terrible if she'd somehow failed Stefan.
'It isn't okay to be dreaming with your friend's boyfriend or to think so much about it. Stop it, Caroline.'
She stretches her arms and sits on her bed, and gasps when she sees her standing there, right next to her bed.
"Elena?" She asks, but somehow she knows this is not her friend. "Katherine…"
"You're not that stupid, it seems. We are going to have so much fun together."